Chipping Norton

Those that haven’t been to Chipping Norton probably imagine it as one of those beautiful Cotswold towns with solid, elegant buildings made of soft honeyed stone. They probably also think of red telephone boxes, bicycling vicars, pretty gardens and cosy pubs. They’d be right too. It gets surprisingly cold in winter, when the wind blasts in direct from Siberia – but otherwise there’s a refreshing lack of concrete, and even more welcome lack of chain stores. Okay, every other shop’s an estate agent, but we also have lots of antique shops, boutiques, an old-fashioned hardware shop, a decent independent bookshop, not to mention a good chippy (geddit?).

Chippy chippy

So, in plenty of ways, it’s a nice little town. I think I’d even enjoy living here if it weren’t for one thing. Or rather, several hundred of them. The trouble with Chipping Norton is that it’s full of cunts.

The crimes of the Chipping Norton set are well known – but the most galling thing for me is that people here are content to let them get away with it. They like having them nearby. They see the manifest corruption, the the destruction of the NHS, the collapse of the economy, the brown-nosing of Rupert Murdoch and demonisation of anyone that earns less than £100,000 a year and think, “I’m going to vote for that man ” again.

In short, it’s the spiritual home of the malaise gripping the UK. If there are any other Crap Towns in the country, a good deal of the blame must lie with Chipping Norton. It is the cause and karmic repository for their faults. It just has to be number one.


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4 Responses to Chipping Norton

  1. Becky Milner says:

    It’s all very well portraying Chipping Norton as a nest of conservatism, but the town also has a rich rock and roll history. Keith Moon once owned the Crown and Cushion hotel where he held week long parties and developed his alcoholism. Fairport Convention have long lived nearby. And now we are the home of the lovely and beautiful Alex James, the bassist from Blur.

  2. Eloise Millar says:

    “Lovely and beautiful” Alex James? Wow.

  3. Eloise Millar says:

    Head to the second picture for a snapshot of the “lovely” Alex James:

  4. Daniel Layte says:

    Notorious cheesemong Alex James is indeed a good example of the Chipping Norton way of life: but this isn’t quite so rock and roll as your correspondent Becky Milner seems to imply. He is after all someone who wasn’t ashamed to be a member of the Groucho Club and proudly claimed to have blown a million quid on champagne. He now spends his time banging on about cheddars and pretending to be a country squire. Some of his thoughts about life in Chipping Norton recently appeared in the Daily Mail. The highlight was his description of taking on two “local women” who came “from the nearby trailer park” to clean his house. Said James: “They fascinated me,”

    And there you have it. Chipping Norton: a pretty place and a microcosm of everything that is wrong with the country, now with extra expensive cheese.

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